Session 3

Session 3: Child Abuse, Family Violence, and Community Resources

 

What Can Child Care Staff Do?

 

Young children benefit from supportive caregivers and safe places, such as child care and school settings. Early childhood caregivers can assist young children affected by domestic violence by

• providing a nurturing environment
  
  
• creating predictability through child care routines
  
  
• developing strategies to support children’s adjustment in the child care program
  
  
• providing support to parents (e.g., child management strategies) and information about community resources

These guidelines are helpful for dealing with troubling behaviours regardless of whether domestic violence is a factor.

• Remember that problem behaviours may be shown by children for a wide variety of reasons. Exposure to domestic violence is only one possibility.

• Reassure children and increase their sense of security in the program by
  • establishing simple rules and routines so that children know what to expect
  • giving simple explanations for things that worry them
    
  • allowing children to naturally express themselves through talk and play
    
    
• Clarify in your mind what child behaviours are of concern before talking to the parent. Think about how to put your concerns into words. Describe the behaviour without interpreting it. It may be helpful to consider the following questions:
  • What behaviour(s) are concerning?
  • When did it start?
  • How often does it occur?
  • How does it affect the child, other children, the staff, and the program?
  • What is the child’s reaction to the response of the staff?
    
    
• Consult with your supervisor or program director about your concerns and possible responses.
  • talk and play
    
    
• Invite the child’s parent to talk to you about the child’s behaviour. Try to have this conversation in a safe place (e.g., in a room away from the children and other parents). Do not leave a telephone message about potential problems in the home, as this could endanger an adult victim and/or the child. If leaving a telephone message is the only way to contact the parent, you may choose to leave a message that states the following:
  • your name and position in the child care program
  • that you would like to speak about the child’s progress in the program
  • the number where you can be reached (remember that it may be difficult for a parent to talk on the phone if he or she is in an abusive relationship and the abuser is present)
    
    
• Let the parent know that you are concerned about the child. Describe what you are observing in the program. Ask what the parent is noticing at home and whether he or she has any ideas about what might be bothering the child. It is important that you communicate your questions in a supportive, non-threatening, and non-intimidating manner. Here are some suggestions for how you might ask questions:
  • I’m worried about this behavior and I would like to help the child. Do you have any ideas about why Jilana might be acting this way?
  • Is there something at home that might be upsetting her?
    
    
• Remember that it is often not easy to talk about family problems. Domestic violence and other family problems are often treated with great secrecy. Sometimes the secrecy is a way of maintaining safety. By asking, you will have let the family know that you are concerned and willing to help. They may choose to talk to you in the future if they are experiencing violence or other problems that affect their child.

• Provide information on available resources. Offer information about resources in the community.

Supporting a Child Who Makes a Disclosure

 

 

Child care staff may receive disclosure about violence in the home from young children, but may have limited information about how to support these children.

 

The following guidelines are offered to help you respond in ways that are supportive to children when disclosures do occur.

• Allow the child to tell his or her story. It usually helps children to talk about the violence or troubling events in their lives with a trusted adult.

• Reassure the child. If children disclose a troubling incident at home directly to you, reassure them by validating their feelings (e.g., “It sounds like this was scary for you. Are you okay?”). Depending on the situation, it may also be helpful to let children know that you are glad they told you, that the violence is not their fault, and that no one should be hurt.
  
  Older children may ask you to not say anything to anyone about what they have told you. It will be important for you to let them know that you need to tell people who can help them be safe.
  
  

• Do not pressure the child to talk. It is important to remember that your role is not to gather evidence or to investigate the situation. Your role is to listen and to acknowledge the feelings the child is sharing.

• Do not criticize or speak negatively about the abuser. Children often have confused or mixed feelings about the abuser. They may hate the abuse but like the stories or games that the abusive parent sometimes reads or plays. Children can feel very angry at and loyal to a parent at the same time. If you criticize the offending parent, feelings of loyalty and protectiveness toward the parent may cause the child to feel that he/she cannot talk about the abuse.
  
  
• Do not make commitments to the child that you cannot honour. Sometimes workers are so moved by a child’s situation, and want so much to protect and reassure the child, that they make statements they cannot keep. Examples include comments such as “I will keep you safe,” “I won’t let him hurt your mother anymore,” or “I won’t tell anyone what you told me.” While clearly well intended, such commitments can diminish a child’s trust in others when she or he discovers the statements were untrue. This may cause a child to believe that no one can help and it is not worth telling anyone about the upsetting things happening at home.
  
  
• Follow the child’s lead. Young children have short attention spans and typically do not spend much time on one topic, even when it is about a distressing event. They are more likely to talk a little bit, change the topic, or move on to another activity, and then possibly revisit the troubling event again. It is important to follow the child’s lead and support him or her to carry on with activities when ready to do so. This may be challenging in disclosure situations when you are not ready to carry on with activities.
  
  The child may choose this time to disclose because changes in circumstances have tipped the balance to the point that the child’s typical coping approaches are strained. Responding supportively to children making disclosures increases their sense of security and their willingness to share concerns in the future.

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