Lesson 1: Mastering Your Life

8 - Choices: Meaningful Relationships

As a social being, you have a constant interest in the quality and breadth of your relationships with others. Friendship is impossible without inner confidence, your attitude toward the self. A true assessment of one’s self logically precedes a meaningful relationship with others.

Some people are not only interested in establishing friendships but are concerned about popularity as well. However, one will never attain popularity by consciously striving for it. Popularity will come to you in several ways. First, you must project a sense of comfort with others, putting others at ease when they are with you. Show a sincere interest in others without being egotistical yourself. Dale Carnegie once said that in two months a person can launch more friendships by being interested in others than a person can in two years by parading their own interests.

Friendship is a Smooth Connection with Someone Else

The main theme of the social attraction hypothesis (regarding friendship) is that your behaviour toward others is governed by the way you perceive how others feel about you. For example, you have formed the idea that an acquaintance is an unfriendly snob. You treat that person in a cool manner and expect them to be aloof. Your acquaintance reflects back to you those feelings you initially believed were true. People with an inferiority complex or those who are conceited have difficulty making friends because the initial contact begins negatively.

Conflict results from different personalities living or working together. Some techniques will help to resolve constructively emotionally-charged situations.

• Determine why the person is behaving this way. Ask yourself, “How would I feel?” so you can image how this situation feels to the other person.
• If something has gone wrong, do not explain what happened because that often seems to be an excuse. Say, “You’re right”, apologize, and offer to take action.
• If you are puzzled by the argument, ask, “What do you mean?” Then listen actively. Repeat what the other person said to clarify meaning.
• When arguments start, say, “Let’s not argue. What can we do to resolve it?”

These strategies may make a great difference in your relationships with both friends and family.