2.3 Self-Assessment: What's My Disagreement Style?

Choose your probable response to each scenario below.


  1. Your best friend has promised to go with you to a movie. At the last minute, your friend is invited to a party at Lee's house. You are not invited, and your plans are cancelled. You feel angry. You say,

      1. "Go, then. See if I care!" and slam down the phone.
      2. "That's okay. I'm nobody important, anyway," and sigh.
      3. "I'm upset because we had plans, and I feel like I'm not as important to you as Lee is."

  2. Your teacher has asked you if someone else wrote your assignment for you. You feel insulted. You say,

      1. "You're a rotten teacher, and my dad is going to get you fired!"
      2. "Whatever. Just give me a zero then, if you don't believe me."
      3. "I feel insulted that you think I would cheat. I worked hard on that assignment, and I can show you my rough notes to prove it."

  3. A local store has put up a sign that says, "Only one teenager allowed in the store at a time." You feel this policy discriminates against teenagers and punishes all teens for the actions of a few. You write a letter to the store owner to complain.You write,

      1. "That's a stupid policy! You must be an old grouch who hates kids."
      2. "I'm never shopping at your store again."
      3. "I feel that your policy is unfair. Many teens are responsible and respectful shoppers. I hope you'll change your mind and give us an opportunity to prove it."

Now, add your score. Give yourself 1 point for each "A" response, 2 points for each "B" response, and 3 points for each "C" response.

If you scored 3 or 4: You need to learn to become calm before you respond. Avoid accusing or insulting. All that will do is make the other person feel angry and defensive, and nothing will be solved.

If you scored between 5 and 7: You need to learn to communicate your feelings and your needs clearly. Sulking shuts down communication, and the problem is not solved.

If you scored 8 or 9: Well done! You are able to manage your anger and handle conflict effectively, most of the time.